|   |  |  | ||||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||||||
  |
|
`The software community is united in its insistence that Microsoft should refrain from further tests. The need is now more urgent than ever for both Microsoft and the DOJ to work to lower tensions.'
— JAMIE ZAWINSKI Netscape Communications Corp. |
MICROSOFT’S TESTS showed it's capability to respond to a DOJ attack. This is Microsoft's fiercest threat since it began its nuclear programme with a single, isolated test in 1974. “Yup,” CEO Bill Gates told Reuters when asked if reports of two more nuclear tests on Saturday were correct. Asked if the latest pair of tests finished the series he replied: “I don't think so. I want to prove that the release of Windows 98 is critical to the survival of everyone on earth. By any means necessary.” He said they were carried out in a slightly different location but in the same general area of Seattle where the previous eighteen were staged. “The previous ones were in hard rock but these were conducted in a shaft like a well,” he said. “Hopefully, the Microsoft Bob programmers never knew what hit them.” The latest trials were carried out less than 24 hours after Richard Stallman called on Microsoft and the DOJ to show restraint and followed sanctions by the Open Source Community to punish Microsoft for crossing the nuclear threshold. DOJ KEEPS MORATORIUM ON TESTING Meanwhile in D.C., a senior government official said his side will not change its self-declared moratorium on further nuclear tests following arch-rival Microsoft’s series of nuclear trials on Saturday. “As regards the moratorium, no change,” the official, who declined to be identified, told Reuters. The DOJ, which carried out two nuclear blasts under Redmond on May 11 and May 13, said last week that it would introduce a moratorium on testing and was willing to talk with “key interlocutors” to formalise it. Microsoft said that it had carried out two nuclear tests on Saturday, taking to twenty the number it had carried out since last month. TESTS WERE EXPECTED Saturday’s tests were trailed by leaks by Microsoft's P.R. department which said that the tests would be carried out atop Expedia medium-range missiles designed and built by Chris Capossela, the man who crashed Windows 98 at Comdex. Capossela, in an interview published on Saturday, said that Microsoft’s latest tests were successful “by all definitions, and the results were as good as we were hoping.” Capossela is also credited with the design of the Internet Exploder missile which Microsoft test-fired last month. He said the missile could strike any target in the world without being detected after firing. Capossela told a local newspaper that the twenty tests were “all boosted fission devices using uranium 235 and Microsoft Windows NT” but said that Microsoft could conduct a fusion or thermo-nuclear blast “if asked.” The U.S. Government, he said, had used “the old technology of plutonium from spent fuel; whereas we have used enriched uranium, which is more sophisticated and a safer process. Devices made from plutonium have worse fallout, but the process is much safer, providing our workstations don't crash.” He said that of Microsoft’s twenty tests, the first was a “big bomb” which had a yield of about 30-25 kilotons. “The other nineteen were small tactical weapons of low yield. Tipped on small missiles, they can be used in the battlefield against Netscape,” he told the newspaper. “None of these (twenty) explosions were thermonuclear. We are doing research and can do a fusion blast. If asked. But it depends on the circumstances, mainly our browser's market share,” he said. Asked how many nuclear weapons the government had, he replied: “Does it really matter? With our ActiveX Nuclear War control, we can catch them off-guard at any time. Day or night.” IMMEDIATE CONDEMNATION The latest blasts drew immediate condemnation from Netscape, current leader in the browser wars. Netscape programmer Jamie Zawinski accused Microsoft of acting in “flagrant disregard” of international opinion by carrying out the new nuclear tests. Zawinski said in a statement the new tests “do nothing to enhance their sh*tty browser.” “The software community is united in its insistence that Microsoft should refrain from further tests. The need is now more urgent than ever for both Microsoft and the DOJ to work to lower tensions,” he added. The latest test prompted Transmeta, an ultra-secretive nuclear defense research company, to consider relocating their star developer, Linus Torvalds, to a safer location. “If we lose Linus, we'll never get a chance to release our Linux-based microwave to the public,” remarked Transmeta CEO Dave Ditzel. Users of Slashdot, a popular computer user hangout, strongly denounced the testing, calling Microsoft’s move “an act that challenges and runs against the nuclear non-proliferation movement. And Bill Gates is $atan.” The author of that posting could not be reached for further comment. In light of recent developments, Internet connection provider UUNet said on Friday it would impose sanctions on Redmond for conducting nuclear tests. On Friday night, Richard Stallman called for a meeting next week of the major software powers, proprietary and open source, to try to stop the arms race on the east and west coasts. The DOJ and Microsoft have fought countless wars over the last 5 years. Free software fanatic Richard Stallman has urged Microsoft and the DOJ to sign weapons treaties and promise not to use nuclear arms against each other, “at least not until we find out the remaining hidden system calls in Win32.” |
 |
 |
 |
 | ||
 | ||
